World Without Strangers

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face
The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I�m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
it get hard but it won't take away my love

I miss you Braedyn but my love for you is so deep that this time apart will only make this relationship stronger!!!

Its been awhile since I have been on here, internet is pretty sporadic. But Braedyn was right, he was sent to New York which is sad because he is not here but is awesome because I will get to visit him and see New York City.. mini vacation!! Things are going well with Braedyn but man this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I find myself sad more than I have ever been before, which is crazy to me because I am loving my job and I am loving this beautiful town of Charleston, South Carolina!!! I just miss Braedyn so much and wish he was here with me. It is hard to know that he is in New York playing in front of thousands of people and I am not there to make sure he knows that I love him and support him! He really is an amazing man and I continue to discover everyday just how important he is in my life and how much he loves and cares about me. If it wasn't for his constant encouragement and support I don't know what our relationship would look like today. I just have to keep my eyes on Aug 11th which is when I will fly out to NYC and see him!! I will get to spend six days in New York and hopefully spend most of that time with Braedyn!!! That is if he doesn't get picked to play in the All Star Game, but if he does it will be bitter sweet!
My job is going really well, I really love everyone I am working with, they each bring a unique characteristic to the team and it is always a good time!! I love the kids that I have been able to get to know and have started some really awesome relationships with many of them!! I have meet some amazing people, such as, Dan Marino, some redskins football player.. haha, and the president for the discovery channel!! It is amazing the type of people that are out here.. I never would of thought!! I can't complain about this job I spent my day teaching swim lessons, then off for some boccie ball and end it with either a surf clinic, sailing clinic, or a whole day of water - skiing!!! It really is unbelievable that I get paid to do this!!! I can't wait for Braedyn to see me, he won't even believe how tan I am!! haha, well looks like I have said enough for one blog..

Well my baby did it!!! He got drafted on Friday morning by the New York Yankees in the 14th round!!! I was so excited to hear the good news the minute I got off work! Finally I feel Braedyn is getting the recognition that he deserves for being such a great and consistent player!! But it is so weird to think that my boyfriend plays professional baseball for the New York Yankees… It doesn’t seem real… but it is!!! But the craziest thing of all about this is that the Yankees single A team is here in Charleston!!! He thinks that he is going to be sent to Staten Island in NY where Rookie ball is, but he is a modest man and I pray that he gets sent here! If he gets sent here I already told him that its fate that we are meant to be together forever!! So everyone keep your fingers crossed!! If anyone even reads this besides me…

One year ago, I began my journey of falling in love with Braedyn. Ever since we were able to shares memories, stories, secrets, feelings, and emotions together I have been the happiest person I have ever thought I could be and a love that I never want to let go. As our first anniversary comes up on June 1st, I was thinking of what I can get Braedyn that he needs but would think of me when he uses it. He loves music so what better than to give him a brand new iPod, an iPod that will hold more music, looks better, and since I got it engraved, he can think of me when we are not together. I can't wait to give him my gift, because there is so much meaning behind it, and something that I am proud to finally give him something that I think he will appreciate, other than a free dinner. But as it gets closer to the date and Braedyn feels the pressure of giving me a gift, he becomes less toughtfull and more lazy about a present. He wants me to tell him exactly what I want. He asks me what I need and I honestly don't need anything, I need bills paid, loans paid, and I need a job, but those are things that Braedyn cannot and will not provide for me. I have everything I need, except for his affection and his real feelings. One day we head to the mall in order for me to exchange some clothes at JCrew, while we are there Braedyn takes me to a sunglass store and has me pick something out and he will pay for it. How nice that is, there is no personal touch, its not a present, I feel as though I was pressured to hurry and pick something out. I got a pair of coach sunglasses, I don't need sunglasses, but there was nothing else that I wanted that I would feel comfortable with him buying me. I just settled for the next best thing. As we were leaving the mall Braedyn asked if he owed me more money, if his gift added up to the same as my gift to him. As soon as he said that I had to bite my lip so hard to keep me from crying. He could of bought me a teddy bear with a bow around its neck that cost .50 cents from the claw machine and I would of loved it, as long as it came from him, when he saw it he thought of me and wanted me to have it. Its not about presents, its about giving something to someone that makes you think of them.
The other night, Braedyn and I got in a little fight, first fight in who knows how long and eventually said we were sorry and then went to bed, but I slept on the couch because even though I said I was sorry and I knew he felt bad and was sorry, it wasn't over because I never got a hug or kiss, no affection to let me feel it was over. I tried to fall asleep but I couldn't help but cry and cry, Braedyn still stayed in bed and asked over and over what was wrong and if I was ok. I didn't want to tell him, I wanted him to come to him and just hug me. An hour later I was so sick of crying and so frustrated that he could see me like that and didn't want to hug me that I had to finally tell him. He felt horrible and he came and laid with me and we cried together. I told him that I needed hugs and I needed more affection especially when I am hurting. I told him that I know that he loves me, but I need reminders and affection to keep the love strong and not grow stale like so many other couples do. Once I told him that I thought things would get better... but still nothing, if I don't go to kiss him or hug him, I only get one kiss before bed if he hasn't already fallen asleep or a held hand from the front door to the car. I know that a relationship is something new to him and he is not an affectionate person, but when were alone I would love a hug or a kiss. A simple touch without having to grab for his hand or rub his back. I don't need a lot, just a little to keep the energy flowing and the butterflies flying.
I don't know if this will ever change, but I do know that I only have 3 days left with him until I move to South Carolina. I have to put the fate of our relationship in his hands. I can make conversation all I want, I can spend my weekends where ever he is, but if he can't remind me of his love and keep me strong for him, it will be a horrible summer. I love Braedyn to death and I will never let him go, unless I have to keep pushing him to show me his love.

I guess I have proved to myself that new years resolutions rarely do come true. I just graduated from College.. how crazy is that. I now hold a bachelor of Science in Integrated Health Sciences. I feel so proud of myself that I actually accomplished something that rarely occurs in my family. But I am sad that it is now a memory and not a current way of living. School is not over, I have decided to forget about medical school and just head to nursing school, hopefully do more than just my RN, go for Nurse Practitioner. I have applied to a couple schools, MUSC, UNM, USF,UCF, and recently Barry University. I hope to hear back soon!! But until then.. I am still in Deland for the month of May, working and watching Braedyn play baseball!!! I absolutely love watching Braedyn play, its watching him do something that makes him happy! Plus he is really good at it so it makes it that much more exciting!! We will be listening to the draft on June 5th listening to hear where he is drafted to and where I will try to establish my life post nursing school.
I have many thoughts about Braedyn getting drafted, I am excited, proud, and scared at the same time. I am so proud that he has done so well this year and all four years of college that he has this opportunity to make a living playing baseball. I am excited that if he does get drafted I will be able to visit him where ever he is playing. That means I will get to see new cities and new parts of the country, and anyone who knows me knows that I love to visit new places and experience new things! But I am scared because I will be faced with a long distance relationship. I am nervous that I will have a repeat as to what happen with John and I. I love Braedyn so much and I can't see myself with anyone else, but having to go through days and months without seeing him scares me. I am scared that I will miss him too much and not stay focused on school, I am afraid that we won't talk much and I will lose that amazing connection I have with him now. I get on my scared soap box because once I get off I know that Braedyn is there to tell me that everything is going to be ok! Braedyn has a way of making me feel safe and secure, as long as his reminders and encouragement continue I am sure that we can make it through this. But in the back of my mind, I will still fear losing him.

Well the talk was initiated and is finished! It went well... at the end of the conversation I felt as though she heard everything that I wanted to say, and she said what she wanted to say. Mainly a... well now you know how it feels kind of deal and she isn't use to me having a boyfriend... but I guess that's what happens when your single for almost 3 years!! But things were worked out and hopefully the relationship will get better! I guess I am off to a good new years resolution... 2 entries so far... can only grow from here!
I finally bought a book that has been on my mind ever since I was in a long distance relationship freshman year, All About Me! I went to B&N and picked it up, its about time after 3 years! Now that I have this book, I really want to begin a yearly "check up" on who I really am. Being honest with myself in every aspect of my life. I am gonna start it now and see how far I get into it!!! I will keep the updates coming and more of myself is revealed
ME!!

Well..... its been a long time since I have been on here. I was thinking of when I wrote almost everyday about any and everything that came to my mind and how much stress it released... even if I was in the most relaxed state ever! But that was last summer... and now its my last semester of college. Last semester was awesome, had some great classes, found myself in some great community projects, which I am sure I will talk about alot this semester, and having a good year with Braedyn. As soon as the semester was completed... Things started to change, Grades, Friends, Teachers, Home. Every aspect of a person's life was viewed differently, a way that I have never seen them before... a way that I have to hate and hate the person it is turing me into.
After I was gone for a semester... Nothing was more exciting to me than seeing my roommate!!! My roommate... she has been my one true girlfriend all three years, and after spending one semester without her.. I was counting down the days until we were able so spend days talking about what we have missed within each others lives!!! I didn't really learn much but the fact that she was able to really conect with so many of our sisters!! I was excited to get the opportunity to get to know each others friends. But little did I know that sooner than later would I find myself growing further and further apart from Kristyn. I was back on schedule with Stetson... ready to graduate and everything!!! What would be better than this??? Until...... One night!!! (Sounds like a scary movie..) Not really at all... but it was really sad... I realized from one car ride home, that me an Kristyn will never be the same friends that we were the last 3 years!! Kristyn, my roommate, has grown up and in the process of growing up... I am not the same to her, I am not her bestfriend.. just a roommate. The girl that I left, the girl that I saw as my best friend as a girl that I saw as home... saw me as something different. Someone that saw advice and truth as judgment. I don't know what else to think about this situation.. am I jealous of our other roommate, who has replaced me as someone for her to go to? Am I ready for a change and can't see Kristyn in my future and that makes me sad?? Or am I the one that has changed in such a way that has pushed Kristyn away?? Whatever it is, will not be solved within an afternoon conversation that she desires so much... I will be back with more uncertainty..

Wow... what a long two days! I thought being busy with three kids, time would go by fast... but at the end of the day... It seems like I have been here forever.. 2 more weeks of this?? Hopefully it will get better. Not knowing the daily schedule until parents have awoken from their drunken nights, to tell me that I had the day off... which started at about... 1:30!! What a day huh??? At least the kids are good, and when all the family and friends are gone, they are practically angels... its when they are here, that's when I look like a horrible babysitter... children all over the place, no towels to use when getting out of the pool, syrup on the floor from one of the friends leaving out and the 3 year old getting into with out me looking... A MESS!!! I enjoy my own little guest retreat that really feels like my own little studio apartment, my own bed and bathroom all on the side of the pool, which reflects the green and pink lights from the pool and also the sounds of the waterfall peer in through the door... at least its calming at night! Well my small afternoon is almost over and I have someone very special to call!!!!
Ready to be back in what I call my own home where I know that it will always be there and I have my own schedule!! No need to worry about others for my daily schedule!!

How frustrating it is when you try to stay on top of thins... only to get nothing in return, No communication of any sort. Here I am less than 24 hours before I need to be cleared out of my room, packed car, and head off to babysit for two weeks!! When I come back... it will be Aug 6th and I will have no where to live, except for paying $20/day to live in a living room with my life in my car.. How respectful and private m environment will be, if I choose this offer.. likeliness of this??? Slim to none!!

"The act it's self never varies, but each kiss caries with it a meaning all its own. It can convey a husband's eternal devotion... or a wife's enormous regret. It can symbolize a mothers growing concern... or a lover's growing passion!! But whatever its meaning, each kiss reflects a basic human need. A need to connect to another human being!!"

B'S COMING!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot wait to see, hug him and kiss him!!!! It feels so good to finally be really excited to see someone... especially if someone that gives you butterflies and permanent smiles!!!!

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
-W.H. Auden

Its so amazing that you can be 2000 miles away from home and from your family, but its true that your only one phone call away. After my constant rejections I spoke to my mom, who reminded me of something that I live by everyday, but failed. Things happen for a reason. I have no idea why I haven't been able to get a job, but when the summer is over and I am back at school, I will see the reason for it. So with that said, its all over... frustrations have turned into realizations.

I search, apply for EVERYTHING, go to EVERY INTERVIEW, and get NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!! I have been searching for a job since the beginning of the summer, and have I been doing with my life?? NOTHING AT ALL... Teaching swim lessons and laying around my house like a bum. This is most useless summer I have ever experienced. I have never had such a hard time trying to find a job! I wish I could just get paid to travel.....

Its been awhile, but there has been good reason for it! I've Been spending 5 days in the keys with Braedyn, Kristyn and Matt!!! My best friend and my boyfriend, two people that can make me the happiest girl, and that is what I was all weekend!! There was not one moment where I would rather be somewhere else, thinking about anyone else, or wishing things were another way. It was just perfect!!
After a long day of driving to West Palm to meet up with Braedyn, probably the first and only time I will be able to set foot inside his house without worrying about his dog attacking me!! All jokes aside.... we loaded up the Tahoe and headed for Miami, where we got to see the red sox play the Marlins!! Watching a baseball game, whether its a pro ball game or a little league game... I am a happy girl!! What made this game that much more fun was being there with Braedyn!! Listening to him talk smack about players and teaching me strategies and even simple rules... so much fun!!! As the clock was ticking and the innings were winding down, we decided to head out to start the second half of our trip.... VIA MARATHON!!!!
When we finally arrived at Braedyn's house, it felt like home... even though I had never set foot south of Ft. Lauderdale, let alone this particular house. The only thought I have to reason with this feeling is the comfort I feel with Braedyn... any situation with Braedyn feels like home... is that scary??
The first couple days spent in the keys was taken over by powerful thunder and lightening!! These would be the days that anyone else would start to say "Of course, the two days we spend in the keys, its raining the whole time" but for me, it adds more excitement to the trip!! Braedyn and I, alike, love listening to the thunder and watch the flashes of the lightening. To most people its scary, but to me it's exciting; the sound of the rain is relaxing. It was nice to have an excuse to stay inside, take a nap, and spend time cuddling on the couch, and by cuddling I mean me wrapped up in Braedyn's arms while he watches soccer, and when I awake tell me that Brazil is out... what a wake up!!!
One morning we woke up and made some cereal and I headed out to the back porch to take in this new scenery and the new atmosphere, and as I was taking it all in, Braedyn came out, sat right next to me, and asked what I was thinking about. It was like he knew my thoughts!! I told him that I loved to use my five senses to remember everything that the keys has to offer. Hearing the sound of the rain, so many different sounds falling on the many different materials and depths of water. Watching the water and wind ripple across the ocean; smelling the ocean breeze and unfortunately with the short whiffs of low tide. The taste of the salt on your lips when you lick them and feeling the warmth of Braedyn's arm wrapped around me tight! This is the moment where I felt so appreciative of everything that Braedyn has done for me, continuing thinking of ways I can make it up to him, the way he deserves it!!!
When Kristyn and Matt arrived late Sunday night, we decided to crack open the coronas and the Monopoly board... I guess thats what happens when you are stuck inside because of the rain (FYI... Never play with Kristyn, she gets mad easily, play with Braedyn.. he stinks at buying property). Its ok because we all needed some sleep, we had big plans the next morning; we were off to Key West for the day and evening!!!!!
He headed to the beach to take in the first day of sunshine and to fulfill Braedyn's soccer enjoyment!!! It was such a beautiful day!! We all got a little sweaty, the boys suffered some injuries and we saw a barracuda and Kristyn claims she saw a HUGE fish jump out of the water... I think her Marine Biology infatuation influences her reality sometimes!!!!! After some fun in the sun we were headed back to clean up and head out to Key West!! Everyone cleaned up so nicely, the girls in their cute dresses and the boys looking extremely sexy!!! Once we got there, we started to test out the drinks in every bar in Key West, but before we tested out too many bars, I found myself a pair of sunglasses... FINALLY!!!! But we spent some quality time together, as friends, and couples, enjoying new drinks, watching the sunset, and chasing the Real World party scene!!!
THE 4TH OF JULY!!!! It is finally the day where we celebrate the freedom of America by BBQing and watching fireworks... I guess you could call us conformists, cause that is exactly how we celebrated!! We got some coronas for the boys, made Margaritas for the girls!! While Braedyn and I relaxed in the Hammock under the sun Kristyn and Matt grilled up some good steaks, Baked Potatoes, and Corn on the Cob!! As the earth rotated and the sun fell behind the horizon, the moon's glow was dimmed by the fireworks that we watched from the dock! Not only could we see the fireworks near us, but fireworks from across the water, another firework show was illuminating.
The 4th of July Weekend turned into 5 amazing days with amazing people!!! I have never eaten so much "Dolphin" as you Floridians call it, or AMAZING Key Lime Pie, that I am starting to fall in love with!! But it wasn't the food that made the trip, it was the relaxing atmosphere that the Keys offer and the people that kept me laughing and enjoying life!!!! Now I crave the Keys and the company everyday!!!

Its so great to see a friend that you rarely talk to, let alone see often. Just spending a short amount of time, catching up, laughing about good times, and indulging in most often talked about conversation amongst women.... Men!!! But its great to talk about these things, especially with someone that respects you and you respect the advice that they give you, whether it be what you wanted to hear or not. So it was a great afternoon!!!
I have my final this evening and after that, I must write the long dreaded paper. But once that is out of my system and off my shoulders, I get to begin packing for an awesome weekend!!! I cannot wait to relax on the beach with a corona one hand and the other hand being held by a wonderful man!! I cannot wait to spend time with him and to share great conversations and lots of kisses!!! Its gonna be a great reward to such a busy week!!!

Well it's time!! Time to present on a subject that I have been researching for the past week or so!! Not too excited, but hope that there is a great discussion and I am able to answer all the questions they throw at me... so here goes nothing!!

CAN THIS HOUSE BE ANY HOTTER?!?!?!?!?!

Its interesting how one day your mind is racing with ideas, comments, and theories, and other days my mind is blank, days like this I feel like I am living a monotone life.

Lifeguard: "The rules are the pool are no running, no diving, or jumping in the shallow in, and no hanging on the basketball hoop"

6 year old swimmer: "So how are we suppose to get in the pool?"

Its true, Kids say the darnest things!!!

So this blog is becoming more than I ever thought it would. I find myself thinking throughout the day of things that I would go perfect in writing. But when I stop to think about what I wanted to write, it would of been a few sentences every so often. For instance, "Miss Lisa, will you come live with us? Will you play with me all the time?" This is a question that a little 2 year old girl asked while I was teaching her to swim. How cute this girl is that she think so much of me??? But why is that worth a whole update?? I guess if it struck my emotions in a certain way. Speaking of hitting emotions....
A new show that has become a new addiction has not only caught my attention, but throughout the show, I can't help but smile, fight the butterflies in my stomach, and hope for some commonality. Throughout my whole life, falling in love has always been something that I hope for. Nothing could be worse, than discovering your first love and then trying to move on and realize that in order to find love again, you must let go. Throughout the process of letting go, a wall begins to build up around my heart and emotions. But once you have found the opportunity again to feel comfortable and to begin to break down the wall brick by brick, you are reminded, that things do happen for a reason, and loving in and out of love is one of this things that makes you a stronger woman and opens your eyes to what you really want in a long term relationship.
I guess I have to blame this show on forcing me to think about these things, in order to expect a change I have to realize the potential for change and strive towards the change I want to see. Well this is enough of my emotion and love mumble-jumble that I tend to always think about....

As I lay under my new comfortable, look out of my over sized, underused window and listen to the thunder shake the windows and the rain continue to Accumulate in the street, I can't think of a more opportune time to write in this new mind spillage website. How much I want to continue this serenity I have to much commitment to the last week of classes that I must stick with. Thankfully, at the end of this week I will able to relax for 5 days straight and enjoy myself in a picture perfect atmosphere and more importantly the company that I will be with! I have to keep my eyes on the goal in order to achieve it... right now its back to researching the ethical issues of being circumcised. Until tomorrow...

Giving someone else such a hard time about writing in this, I figure its only fair to do the same... so here I am my first entry! Not to exciting, but it will get better through out the summer!!
Since I am new at this whole blog thing, it might not be the most interesting thing to read, if not painful. I guess you have to start somewhere